If you stick around, you might find me complicated.

Ummm....*gulp* So, I'm at Chelsea's at the moment, and she's at summer school. Only a couple hours until I pick her up, then we're headed off to San Francisco for a girls' day on the town! It's going to be fabulous. We're going to see that Sin City movie she really wants to see, and I need to stop by Good Vibrations....what? "Saturday night, when the moon is right, LORD, I got womanly needs!"

But the reason for the gulp. It seems my Chelsea had a photography day with some friends yesterday, fooling around with makeup and lighting and everything, and, uh...some of the results were astonishing. Check it out!








It was amazing how close we were yesterday. Maybe it's because that physical barrier she had is gone, now that she's gone and lost her virginity (to MATT, of all people!), but I'm not sure. Like, I remember when we were in NYC this spring, we had a conversation in which she said something like, "I don't mind kissing my friends on the hand, or on the cheek, but I couldn't do it on the lips. Not with friends." But yesterday when I walked in, and she was lying on the couch, half-asleep (I didn't get there until about midnight), I walked over and gave her a hug, and she kissed me. Not deeply, just a "hello" kiss. I can't help but wonder if it's her that changed, or me, or just our dynamic. I don't understand her sometimes. She'll believe something with her whole heart one day, and change her mind the next.

We were so intimate yesterday. Just lying there, talking about all sorts of stuff. Sex, relationships, how they change people...I was sitting up on the couch with my back braced against the pillow, and she was sitting between my legs, resting her head on my chest. In a weird way, she was almost...fragile, like she needed both comfort and protection. I even mentioned how much closer we are now than we have been lately, and she just snuggled up and said, "I think we need each other now." It was so sweet.

THIS is the Chelsea I've been missing. Baby, you remember how I was saying that the Chelsea I knew was gone, and I wanted her back? Well...she's here. It's amazing. We're closer than we've ever been, EVER.

I think she may have kinda been half-coming on to me last night. Probably only in a harmless flirty way, though. But she kept talking about how she was changing her mind about her sexuality, and how she wanted to experiment with a girl, and how even though she's with Matt she still wants to be with someone else...I don't know. I'm probably just reading too much into things. Hell, even if she WAS hitting on me, it's not like I'd ever do anything about it. I have a girlfriend who I love very much. If she'd only call me every once in a while...

There's a difference between being clingy and acknowledging the fact that both halves of a relationship should work at it. Being with someone isn't always easy, especially when it's a long-distance thing. I know I need a little upkeep, but I'm worth it. I promise I am. And when someone says "Get a cell phone and I'll call you all the time!" and I go out and get a cell phone...yeah, I expect a call every now and then. Just to know you're thinking of me. I guarantee I'll be thinking of you.

*sigh* Enough soliloquizing on my part. I've got to go pick Chelsea up from school. Fuck, I'm her mom...I hope I don't get lost on the way. Marconi, then Palm, then Fair Oaks, then...the one after Jasper. Her mom doesn't remember. Bodes well for me, right?

Laters, chicas!

~Corinna